This month, we decided to focus on resilience–from an expert’s point of view…and from our own. We hope these thoughts resonate with you as well–Liz and Eleanor
By Elizabeth David
“Resilient people are like trees bending in the wind,” says Beth Howard in her article The Secrets of Resilient People. “They bounce back.” In her article, originally published in the November 10, 2010 issue of AARP Magazine, Howard says that developing and nurturing the quality of “resilience” is key to whether or not we age well.
Resilient people, she notes, have some qualities in common which, most importantly, can also be learned. The following is a summary of the steps and qualities she isolates as being central to resilience. Resilient people…
- Stay Connected: “Research bears out the importance of connection, and good social support. .Resilient people report increased quality of life and well- being regardless of their burdens.”
- Remain Optimistic: Finding positive meaning in caregiving and helping others enhances ones ability to bounce back after death or a significant loss.
- Avoid Negative Thinking: “Experts say negative thinking is just a bad habit though it may take some work to change your mindset.” Negative thinking is learned and can be unlearned. We don’t need to be “cockeyed optimists” to have an optimistic point of view.
- Nurture Their Spiritual Dimension: Those of us who nurture our spiritual dimension, whether through religion or other means, bounce back from normal depression more easily.
- Maintain Their Sense of Wonder: “They’re playful.” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross used to write that we should be childlike in developing our sense of wonderment.
- Give Back: “The benefit you derive for yourself is as great as that which you give to others.”
- “Pick Their Battles”: “tending to focus on things they have some influence over.”
- Eat Well and Stay Healthy: “Exercise literally helps to repair neurons in brain areas that are particularly susceptible to stress.”
- Gain Strength from Adversity: They find the “silver lining.”
When I interact with my BOLLI friends I often see examples of resilience that bring a sense of wonderment to my heart. As I am reminded of the above, so I hope that this will be food for thought for you in facing the challenges of life.
As we move forward together, may we all go from strength to strength.
TIMES OF CRISIS
by Eleanor Jaffe
With unnerving frequency, friends—especially male friends—are growing sick, having accidents, experiencing complications from illnesses and surgeries, and are dying. Statistics have predicted this mortality jump among men while we women generally are outliving our male partners and classmates by some years. Scant comfort for survivors. We mourn our friends and comfort their widows. We close ranks and try to hold one another closer.
Have you noticed? Nothing in a good, long, traditional marriage prepares one for widowhood. The division of labor and tasks, the other half of your memory, your partner in conversation, your bedmate — vanish. And then there is just one, with the memories of two and only half the previous skills and talents.
A thousand or more miles away, my friend Tom has just died. His wife Martha soldiers on. I try to send comforts over the miles. But if I, a friend, feel shaken, what does Martha feel?
All of us, we age mates, are on this road together–observing, experiencing, and comforting our friends. The community that we have created and continue to create at BOLLI can be a sustaining and supporting one during our crises. Our activities, courses, conversations, and shared experiences can provide new ballast during these senior years. Let’s remember to support one another, and “be there” for each other. Let’s connect, create new friendships, and reach out when needed.