There is only so much technical advice that I can give and that you will accept. So, for a change of pace, I’m providing material in part provided by Ron Levy and Mike Segal. But who knows where jokes come from? Even those which show attribution might well be taken from elsewhere. So my apologies in advance. And if anyone is easily insulted, this is a good place to stop.
A LITTLE TECH HUMOR
We had a power cut at our house this morning, and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new-surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was dead, and to top it off, it was raining outside, so I couldn’t play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee, and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours.
She seems like a nice person.
Many computer problems are rather easily resolved. Have you ever done something and got a Microsoft error message like this?
An email arrives one morning:
Hi, Chris, this is Alan from next door. I have a confession to make.I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is – I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night, a lot lately. In fact, probably more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that’s no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt, and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won’t happen again.
Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you.
Chris, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabs his gun and shoots his neighbor dead. He returns home, pours himself a stiff drink, and sits down on the sofa. Taking out his phone, he sees a subsequent message from his neighbor:
Hi, Chris, this is Alan again from next door. Sorry about that typo on my last text. But I expect you figured it out anyway and that you noticed that the darned Auto Correct changed “WiFi” to “Wife.”
And then, there’s the doctor…
A man walks into an optician’s office.
“Doctor,” he says, “I’m having real trouble using my computer. Unless I’m looking right at my keyboard, mouse, or printer, I just can’t see any of them.”
“Ah”, said the optician, “I know what’s wrong. You’ve got a problem with your peripheral vision.”
Need a password?
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”
And now for the final one…
Three engineers were riding in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft software engineer. The car stalled, and they rolled it to the side of the road.
The mechanical engineer popped the hood, looked in, and said, “Look. The drive belt is loose. All we have to do is tighten it up, and the car will work just fine.”
The chemical engineer replied, “No, that’s all wrong. The problem is fuel contamination. We have to drain the fuel, filter it, and then everything will be A-OK.”
The Microsoft software engineer told the other two, “No, I’ve seen this problem before. We have to get back in the car, close all the windows, shut down the car, get out, get back in, start up the car, open all the windows, and then it will run.”
Back to important stuff next month.
A long-time computer expert and guide, John provides his helpful hints in this monthly BOLLI Matters feature. In the comment box below, provide questions or comments for John on any computer/tech topic .