Stuck in the house waiting for a repair, I sat down with a cup of coffee to watch Robert Mueller’s testimony to Congress. He was, as I expected, clear and to the point and very “lawyer-y.” He kept flipping through that 400 page report to verify his answers. And he looked a tiny bit annoyed. I’m sure he would have preferred to be fishing, or reading, or just about anything that did not involve being thanked for his service and attacked for his findings. They mercifully gave him (and me) a break after 90 minutes.
Returning to the television, the talking heads were analyzing his performance:
“He seems confused.”
“He keeps shuffling papers.”
“Is he ill?”
As I am wont to do when confronted with idiot talking heads, I began to yell at them. “Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’s hard of hearing! He’s not sick. He’s just 75. Give him a break!” I watched the second morning session, paying closer attention to the man. Sure enough, when asked a question, Mueller tilted his head to hear better. He probably has one good ear and one that is trashed. We see it at BOLLI all the time.
Shuffling papers? He was very precise when he found the relevant portions of his report. He just took his sweet time finding them. At his age, many of us can’t find our keys, eyeglasses, or the shopping list we wrote last night. I thought it was admirable that he actually found anything in those two massive binders.
That got me thinking of all the criticisms we face as we age. Our children are chronic offenders but it comes from just about everyone. Rather than shrugging off our little idiosyncrasies, there is a tendency to try to fix us, as if we were broken. Nope, not broken…just different. Raise your hand if any of these ring a bell.
“I got stuck behind a Q-Tip driving 20 miles per hour. Why are they still on the road?” Answer: How much damage can I do going 20 miles per hour? Also…need groceries. Also, what’s your hurry?
” Can’t you hear me? Why don’t you pay attention?” Answer: You mumble. And frankly, if you can’t speak up, why do I have to pay attention?
”Why are you taking so long to (fill in the blank)?” Answer: After a lifetime of hurrying, I’m enjoying a more leisurely pace. Also, how important is (fill in the blank) anyway?
Aging is a daily challenge, and most of us do it with dignity. Perhaps the young-uns need to appreciate our uniqueness and quit diagnosing our “shortcomings.” Move on…nothing to fix here!
BOLLI Matters feature writer Donna Johns
Donna is a teacher/librarian, writer of unpublished romance novels, sometime director of community theater and BOLLI member. She has two fantastic faux knees which set off the metal detectors at Fenway Park.
We’ve been hearing a lot about sharks lately, especially as sightings on Cape Cod Bay become more frequent. People in Massachusetts are worrying about it even though hardly anyone is injured or killed by sharks. We would do well to worry about a much more imminent danger.
It has been estimated that 80,000 people died of flu in the US during the 2017-18 season. Many others did not die but were much sicker than they might have been if they had been vaccinated.
According to the CDC, the flu vaccine reduces the odds of getting the flu by about 60%. But, of course, that total varies from year to year and among different groups of people. Still, it’s a significant number. And yet, too few get the flu shot. Click here for more information from the CDC.
For all adult age groups, flu vaccination coverage estimates in the 2017–18 season were at their lowest levels compared with the seven prior flu seasons. For the 2017-18 season, flu vaccination coverage increased with age, from 26.9% among adults 18-49 years to 59.6% among adults ≥65 years.
I got my flu shot on Friday at CVS, and it cost me nothing (Insurance coverage). For seniors (I do not recall the definition of “senior”), they give the higher dosage. I’ve done this every year since the flu shots came out. In my experience, there is no pain, no soreness, no side effects.
I suggest that, this year, all of you do the same.
BOLLI “Matters” feature writer John Rudy
Our Tech Guru and Creative Chef has been branching out into travel writing and now health advice for us Seniors! Thanks, John–
Recently, Barry and I received the phone call we had been looking forward to and dreading from a Continuing Care Community in our area.
Our name has been on their list for two years. The marketing representative told us about a unit that was available that met most of our specifications. We agreed to meet the next week.
Upon arrival, I asked whether the unit was empty or occupied (with furniture). The only way “suites” become available is when the resident dies. She responded that it was occupied. It is in the North wing on the first floor with easy access to the main common areas.
Upon entering, we discovered that the daughter of the deceased occupant was there with another person who was sporting a clipboard. I surmised that he and she were deciding what to do with her mother’s belongings. The place was cluttered with stuff. There were spots on the carpet, kitchen utensils and dishes on the counters–all signs of a former life, well lived or not. Who knows?
She showed us around the “suite.” If we didn’t linger, it would have taken five minutes. The space is compact–a master bedroom that would fit a queen bed; another single small bedroom; a small but efficient kitchen; a living/dining area; two full baths, a walk-in closet and one other. The unit doesn’t get the sun, and the patio faced a parking lot.
As we were leaving, I thanked the deceased’s daughter for allowing us to see her mother’s home. She became animated and made it a point to show us the electric fireplace she had installed for her mother. She switched it on, and we saw the warm glow that emanated from the coils. It is a nice feature. Our marketing person suggested that we install recessed lighting around the living room to brighten things up.
After leaving the unit, we learned that another couple who are ahead of us on the waiting list would be looking at it the next day. What a relief! We hope they like it!
It was a stressful, depressing experience! Believe it or not, we’ve never lived in an apartment; well, maybe once! Since coming home to our eleven room “castle,” we’ve talked and talked and talked. By the way, we declined the unit. It turns out that being in a section where there is sunshine coming in through the windows is a must for us.
Of course, there are other factors involved with such a decision. We are already giving away “stuff” we’ve accumulated over the years that we don’t need or can bear to part with; all those things that we may use “someday”, especially my clothes and Barry’s files of papers. The local shredder has been working overtime! And then there are the books, books, books; Native American artifacts, jewelry, jewelry, jewelry; my grandmother’s and my bone china tea cups, sculptures, art work, etc, etc, and so forth. Get the picture?
Then there are the holidays. Recently, for Thanksgiving and Hanukah, we hosted our family of nine, sometimes ten, sometimes twelve, occasionally fourteen. After dinner, the kids, as always, went downstairs to the basement playroom while the rest of us schmoozed. Those precious gatherings will not be possible in the same way in a “suite” of 12/13 hundred square feet.
Barry and I have 83 and 84 years of life experience and are in decent shape for the shape we’re in. So, when it comes to continuing care–
To be continued.
BOLLI “MATTERS” contributor Liz David
Liz is a familiar face at BOLLI having been an active participant in both courses and committees as well as an SGL and a writer for the blog.
Liz has decided to leave our BOLLI Matters feature writing crew for other pursuits. Here, she writes about the importance of gratitude in her life…and we are grateful for her contributions to our BOLLI blog!
WITH GRATITUDE
By Liz David
For this, my final Senior Moment blog post, I was thinking of writing once again about the topic, “Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be.” The only additional thing I have to say, though, is that I think we can only judge what the best may have been, or is, in retrospect; upon reflection on the moments large and small that have moved us, thrilled us. They could be moments of deep contemplation or joyous abandon. They could be moments in relationship with others or alone. So, we all need to decide whether “the best is yet to be,” as in a future time or place, or, in the present moment, I’ll leave up to you.
What I really want to write about is gratitude.
Thank you, Sue Wurster for inviting me to write for the Senior Moments blog. I don’t know why you thought of me, but you have given me the opportunity to voice my opinions, thoughts, advice through poetry, prose, and other writer’s words. It has been a challenge–affirming and deeply satisfying. Most of all, I have deep gratitude for your support, advice, and friendship.
Thank you, Eleanor Jaffe, for accepting Sue’s invitation as well, so that we could be partners in this endeavor. Our sharing this responsibility has deepened my appreciation of your talents as a writer, a teacher, and a good friend.
Thank you, Barry David, for being my best friend, support, and encourager-in-chief. My gratitude is boundless.
Thank you to the BOLLI community for your support, encouragement, and comments–both written and verbal—in response to my writing. I am deeply grateful for the friendships and connections I have made over the years.
In his book “Gratitude,” Oliver Sachs writes, and I paraphrase, “I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I love and am loved. I give much and receive much in return.” I have read and thought and written.
I, Elizabeth, feel gratitude deep down in my bones.
So, grow old along with me–the best is what we make of this fragile life and how we live it with gratitude.
Senior Moment writers Eleanor Jaffe (left) and Liz David
We can’t thank you enough, Liz, for your many contributions to BOLLI Matters over the course of the past two years. Your very thoughtful and perceptive pieces have touched all of us.!
Interested in doing some “Senior Moment” writing for our BOLLI audience? Contact Sue at susanlwurster@gmail.com
When I call on my fragile mind to multi-task, things often end badly.
For instance, in 1967, I attended Stu Lasky’s wedding in Scarsdale with my college roommate Kenny Fox and his parents, my “second family.”
As we sat in the synagogue waiting for the ceremony to begin, I noticed a beautiful Asian girl sitting alone a few rows away. It looked like she knew no one. This was during that wonderful interim between the disappearance of my acne and the appearance of my receding hairline, so I was flushed with a modicum of confidence. I forced myself into action and found myself inviting her to come and join us. She told me her name was Noella Luke, happily accepted the invitation, and smiled. I was enchanted. As we walked back to join the Foxes, my brain was churning. I was listening to Noella tell me how she knew the bride; I was imagining what our children might look like; and I was complimenting myself on this very mature, thoughtful, and cool move. Before I had time to prepare myself, we arrived at our seats, and I began to introduce Noella to the Foxes, but after “Noella, I’d like you to meet Mr. and Mrs….” I drew a blank. I could not recall their name. I became speechless and froze, the temperature went up to about 110 degrees, sweat began to pour down my brow, and there was about thirty seconds of awkward silence before the Foxes introduced themselves. I knew that my overloaded brain’s failure to come up with the name “Fox” had managed to turn a major victory into a humiliating defeat. I have to learn to focus more on what I am doing.
This past weekend, I bought a $20 sheet of coupons from a kid raising money for the Wellesley High baseball team, and I decided to use one of the coupons as an excuse to get a forbidden pizza. I drove to Wellesley Center and found a parking place not far from the Upper Crust. As I was unbuckling my seatbelt, I remembered that I had a parking meter app on my phone. I activated my iPhone, got out of the car, and paid the fee. Then, I went into a nearby bookstore. After a half hour chat with the owner, I strolled over to the Upper Crust, ordered a small pepperoni and mushroom pizza, and ate it while reading Ringworld. Forty-five minutes later, I emerged from the restaurant and headed back to my car, patting my pockets quickly, looking for my keys. I didn’t find them. I repeated the search, more slowly. I didn’t have them. I considered whether I might have left them in the Upper Crust or in the bookstore. Then it occurred to me that they might be in the ignition. After a brief moment of panic, I spotted my car, so I knew it hadn’t been stolen, and I was soon close enough to see that the keys actually were in the ignition. No harm done, luckily. And with a sigh of relief, I slid into the driver’s seat, buckled my seatbelt, and reached to turn on the ignition. It was already on! The car engine had been running for the past hour and a half. Another brain malfunction. These have recently been occurring more frequently.
How does one tell the difference between normal “aging brain” malfunctions and the onset of more serious dementia? Is my undependable old brain even capable of distinguishing the difference? I worry about myself, and all of us.
It is clear that the magnitude of the distraction required to trigger a brain lapse has been reduced significantly for me over the years. In 1967 the smile and attention of the young woman of my fantasies, while I was taking an unprecedented social risk, reduced me to a catatonic state. That is easily understandable. It was an important moment for me.
But, last week, my brain short-circuited because I got excited about using a new parking fee app. That’s just sad.
BOLLI Matters feature writer Dennis Greene
Dennis spent five years as an engineer and then forty as a lawyer–and sixty as a pop culture geek and junkie. He’s been writing blog articles for BOLLI Matters in quite a variety of genres: science fiction, movie and video picks, creative nonfiction, and memoir. This month, he provides us with this “Senior Moment” as feature writer Eleanor Jaffe addresses a concern “On Her Mind.”
Here I go again, bringing up stuff that makes us uncomfortable. Let’s face it. We may not be thinking about “end of life” issues, consciously, all the time. But don’t tell me the topic is not just below the surface, nagging at us when we least expect it. Believe me, I don’t think about these issues all the time even though, over many years, I’ve taught courses on “aging with meaning.”
They say we teach what we need to learn. And I’m still learning! Is it possible to get dying right? What is right anyway? How will we know when the time comes?
Like the Boy Scouts motto “Be Prepared,” I offer a checklist that’s meant to, at least, possibly, maybe, give us some peace of mind regarding ways we can be prepared, knowing full well that it’s impossible to be fully prepared in the moment.
CHECKLIST FOR CREATING PEACE OF MIND FOR HEALTH, LEGAL DIRECTIVES, AND END OF LIFE ISSUES IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
Personal Preferences: Where would you like to be during your last moments, days, or months? Whom would you like to be present? A comforting presence.Whom would you like to care for you? What would you like your surroundings to look like?
What music would you like played as you are dying? What poems, prayers, writings or texts would you like recited?What food can you imagine eating? Your favorite?What scents would you like to smell? What objects would you like to have nearby to touch?What would you like your last moments to be like?
Practical Tasks: Do you have a living will, health care proxy?Do you have a will for possessions, investments, income?Where is your will located? Who has copies?My insurance policies are located? If you have a safe deposit box, where is it? where are the keys? Who is authorized to access it?Have you discussed funeral arrangements? And if so, with whom?Do you wish to be buried or cremated? Any particular funeral parlor? Clergy?Who will make arrangements, and have they agreed? Who will arrange Kaddish/Mass or other prayer service?Who will take care of my unfinished business whether legal or otherwise?
Anything else? Brainstorm your own questions about your individual preferences…
So there you have it! If you haven’t already, create your own personal checklist. What are you waiting for?
One thing is for sure–we don’t get out of this life alive!
Offered with love,
Liz
“Senior Moments” feature writers Eleanor Jaffe (left) and Liz David (Right)
Years ago, when we were in our 40’s, my husband and I bought a sundial with the saying “grow old along with me–the best is yet to be.” I’m not sure whether or not I believed it then, and I’m wondering whether I believe it now. Stay tuned!
I grew up in Brooklyn, so you’d think that I’d be totally comfortable with crowds of people.After all, our apartment was crowded as were the schools I attended, likewise the streets—especially the shopping streets, and certainly the subways.When we celebrated, it was to go into Manhattan(crowded),to attend Radio City Music Hall (huge and crowded), the circus(a mob), shopping (cutthroat with crowds vying for bargains.)Almost always, I’d have to wait my turn, wait for the long lines to slowly dwindle, and be prepared to be jostled or poked by people in the City, all kinds of people.
Now I live in the heart of Boston, the Marathon heart of Boston. Every year, from my living room window, one week ahead of the Marathon, city workers construct a small city of tents in Copley Square to accommodate the runners as well as the supports and services they require when they finish their 26 mile ordeals.Soon after, the stadium seats on Boylston Street along the Boston Public Library are erected, and the metal barriers are put in place along the gutters. Huge trailers park on the side streets. Enormous television cameras are hung from corner buildings so that crowds of people—as many as 8-12-24 people deep— can visualize the runners on television becausethey can not possibly see the runners through the density of spectators.Indeed, I recall not being able to walk at all on Exeter Streeton my way to Boylston Street to join the cheering spectators.
By Friday at the latest, thousands of tourists and runners have invaded Boston.Every hotel room is full.Crowd controlling barriers keep people in or out of these few blocks.Mounted police patrol while policecars and, later, ambulances park all around.Hawkers will soon be selling t-shirts, pennants, and souvenirs.I may have to present identification to show the police that I do indeed live in “that building,” so please let me pass beyond the barricade.Of course, all day and well into the evening on Marathon Monday, we are not permitted to drive our car in or out of our garage or, for that matter, drive for at least one mile in any direction. Although I live on the second floor, when I look down from my window overlooking Copley Square, I can relate to a princess isolated in her tower.I cannot leave.No one can enter.
All this before the Marathon Bombers cursed us with their explosives.Now, my aversion to crowds is complete.Not only do the crowds seem to suffocate me, but they may also be dangerous.Someone among those thousands of spectators. might very well have malicious intent.Someone might cause mayhem.Some others might even die — which is not what those spectators bargained for.
Which is why, now, I leave Boston before Marathon Monday, Patriots’ Day, a day designed for citizens to celebrate and come together.But not with me… Somehow, over the years, my comfort with crowds has dwindled and disappeared.My urge to celebrate and shout encouragement is gone.Many years ago, I would standon the sidelines in Newton near Heartbreak Hill and cheer on the valiant runners.Now, I am awed from afar by their feats.
I wonder, is this aversion to crowds age-related?Or terrorist- related?How much does my comfort enter into it?It’s a whole lot different than just becoming blase or jaded.Have I seen too many marathons?I doubt that it’s just my “comfort.”A great unease overcomes me, and I want to flee.Fortunately, I can–and I do.
Senior Moment feature writers Eleanor Jaffe (left) and Liz David (right)
Eleanor says that, “as I grow older, I am more interested in the conditions, changes, services, culture, and even politics affecting me, my husband of over 50 years, my friends — and my over 100- year-old mother. What does it mean to be growing older in today’s society?
I offer these two women’s voices quoted from the 2003 book, Wise Women: A Celebration of Their Insights, Courage and Beauty, by Joyce Tenneson. They speak for themselves and maybe for many of us who are facing our aging with grace and valor.
#1–
I’m a bit envious
of the younger generation
They have so much freedom compared to us
I got married the day I graduated!
A lot of my friends are passing away now,
The rest of us are worried
about outliving our pensions and assets—
we don’t want to be a burden to our families,
Now I live alone with my cat.
I’m always collecting feathers,
I use them to play with him—
we’re good for each other.
–Sadie Simms Allen, 81
#2–
I still don’t dye my hair,
My advice is to follow your conscience
I’ve had several lives,
I’m not the same person I was
At twenty, forty or even sixty,
Now I’m a role model
for women in their seventies and eighties!
When you’re this old, you can reconsider your whole live.
You can relive your life and
understand it with a pleasure and perception
not available when you first experienced it.
People are extremely nice to me now,
because I am no longer a threat to them.
–Polly Kline, 97
#3–
I used to perm my hair,
but now, and for many years, I have let it go natural,
straight as a stick, silvery white.
I used to be shy,
but now I say what I think,
choosing my words carefully
so as not to offend.
I have concerns about the future,
but they don’t paralyze me.
the future is in the faces of my grandchildren,
ALL children.
in them I have hope.
–Elizabeth David, 82
Who are you? Who would you rather be?
Sr. Moment writers Eleanor Jaffe and Liz David
A friend encouraged me to join BOLLI where I began to offer courses in which we discuss our aging–from the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual aspects of our lives. My passion is to help others to gain deeper understanding of themselves and the changes, losses, gains, and glories of aging. So, “grow old along with me–the best is yet to be.”
I don’t know about you, but the current opioid epidemic in the U.S. feels… distant.I don’t personally know anyone or anyone’s child who is “hooked.”But when I think more deeply, I must admit that prescription drugs almost did me in about twelve years ago.At that point, it was less well known that prescription drugs, painkillers, are often the gateway to addiction.At least it wasn’t known to me.
It wasn’t really known to physicians, either.Siddhartha Mukherjee wrote in the NY Times Magazine on February 4 that “We were living, then, in what might be called the opioid pre-epidemic…Pain, we had been told as medical residents, was being poorly treated (true) —- and pharmaceutical companies were trying to convince us daily that a combination of long and short-acting opioids could cure virtually any form of it with minimal side effects (not true.). The cavalier overprescription of addictive drugs was bewildering….”
So I write this as a cautionary tale.Major surgery may be in your future as it was in my past, and terrible pain may accompany it.The use—or overuse—of painkillers, Vicodin, Percocet, or Oxycodone, can lead to dependency or getting “hooked.”That’s what happened to me, at least temporarily….and innocently.
My major surgery about twelve years ago was double knee replacement.My painful arthritic knee joints which had limited me in so many ways were replaced by artificial ones.Both were done at the same time during the same surgery, and while it was a success, I was in terrible pain for several months.
I needed “heavy duty” drugs to keep me going, to tolerate movement and physical therapy, even to sleep.The labels read, “Take 2 every 4 hours,” and “Take 2 every 12 hours,” and “as needed.”At the same time, the advice was to “Stay ahead of the pain,” that is, anticipate that you will be in pain, so take the medication before the pain seizes you.
But if you “Stay ahead of the pain,” how will you even know if you need the pain killer? And how will you know when it is time to ease off the medications? This was the conundrum, at least for me.
My surgeon was no help.When I told him, after one month, that I had become melancholy and depressed, was frequently crying, and had no appetite (I lost 14 pounds in 6 weeks), and (almost distressing of all) I could not understand what I tried to read!He simply told me to “get off the drugs.” But when I tried to stop the meds completely, it was worse.I was in terrible pain.
Another physician—my son who practices physical medicine and rehabilitation 2,000 miles away in Utah—advised that I needed the meds, but that I needed to get on a regimen of phased withdrawal, gradually reducing and then extinguishing my needs.“I can’t believe this is happening to my own mother!” he said.It took three months to get past the need for the drugs.
Physicians are now well aware that prescription medications—their prescriptions—provide gateways to addiction.Physicians are supposed to limit the amount of these prescription meds to a few at a time.Additional meds now require additional prescriptions.And yet, too many are willing to keep signing prescriptions.
This is a “painful” story in many ways:my gullibility regarding pain medication, my “addiction,” my poor choices, my surgeon’s insensitivity and mismanagement of my condition post-op, and more.But in light of the opioid crisis facing all of us in this country, I share this dismal and frightening medical history with you.After all, you, too, may be a candidate for major surgery with its accompanying pain.Be wary of these painkillers.In the short term, they relieve your pain.In the long term, they cause addiction and possibly even death.
“Senior Moment” writers Eleanor Jaffe (left) and Liz David
As I grow older, I am more interested in the conditions, changes, services, culture, and even politics affecting me, my husband of over 50 years, my friends — and my 100 years old mother. What does it mean to be growing older in today’s society?
In 1988, I wrote a thesis entitled “A Narrow Bridge” in partial fulfillment of the requirements for my Masters Degree in Expressive Therapies from Lesley College. The major purpose of the thesis was to explore fears and how they get in the way of healing and then to conceptualize ways to deal with fear.
“Life is but a narrow bridge with no beginning and no end, and the main thing, the main thing, is not to be afraid,” said Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlav.
The following is a piece I discovered as I was researching the thesis. I offer it as an inspiration and a challenge.
TRANSFORMATION
The old woman who was wicked in her honesty asked questions of her mirror. When she was small she asked, “Why am I afraid of the dark? Why do I feel I will be devoured?” And her mirror answered, “Because you have reason to fear. You are small, and you might be devoured. Because you are nothing but a shadow, a wisp, a seed, and you might be lost in the dark.”
And so she became large. Too large for devouring. From that tiny seed of a self, a mighty form grew, and now it was she who cast shadows. But after a while, she came to the mirror again and asked, “Why am I afraid of my bigness?” And the mirror answered, “Because you are big. There is no disputing who you are. And it is not easy for you to hide.”
And so she began to stop hiding. She announced her presence. She even took joy in it. But still, when she looked in her mirror she saw herself and was frightened, and she asked the mirror why. “Because,” the mirror said, “no one else sees what you see, no one else can tell you if what you see is true.” So, after that, she decided to believe her own eyes.
Once, when she felt herself growing older, she said to the mirror, “Why am I afraid of birthdays?” “Because,” the mirror said, “there is something you have always wanted to do, and you know time is running out.” And she ran from the mirror as quickly as she could because she knew, in that moment, that she was not afraid, and she wanted to seize the time.
Over time, she and her mirror became friends, and the mirror would weep for her in compassion when her fears were real. Finally, her reflection asked her, “ What do you still fear?” And the old woman answered, “I still fear death. I still fear change.” And her mirror agreed. “Yes, they are frightening. Death is a closed door,” the mirror flourished, “and change is a door hanging open.”
“Yes, but fear is a key,” laughed the wicked old woman, “and we still have our fears, “ she smiled.
*
So, “life is but a narrow bridge with no beginning and no end and the main thing, the main thing is not to be afraid.”
If we can teach ourselves to approach life as a bridge with no beginning and no end, as if life were an endless bridge onto which we are placed on a section labeled “present,” then we have the potential for healing our wounds rather than remaining stuck in our pining for past desires or future hopes, both of which are fantasies that do not serve us because they remove us from the present.
There are no magic formulas for overcoming fear but developing the skills it takes “not to be afraid” is possible.
It takes courage!
Develop understanding and knowledge of our fears
Develop awareness and sensitivity to the times when we are afraid, in the moments of fear itself.
You may think it is not possible, but try making a decision not to be afraid, or, at least, to put fear on the back burner.
Imagine making a choice whether or not to be fearful, scared, or worried about the future.
Imagine making a choice not to be afraid of change, loss, death
Imagine, as the old woman in the piece above did, choosing to make fear the key to moving beyond fear into living a fearless life!
It takes courage!
Courage may not be the absence of fear but, rather, courage enables us to move ahead in spite of fear.
Rollo May once said that “To live into the future means to leap into the unknown, and this requires a degree of courage for which there is no immediate precedent and which few people realize.”
Courage seems to be connected with knowing that there are choices and the ability to make them in the face of fear. Returning to the metaphor of life as a bridge, imagine this life-bridge as filled with choices. We do not choose to be born. Most of us do not choose to die. We choose on the life-bridge between. Rabbi Nachman’s life-bridge is the dwelling place of the things we have the most control over–our choices.
May also said that “A man or woman becomes fully human only by his or her choices and his or her commitment to them. People attain worth and dignity by the multitude of decisions they make from day to day. These decisions require courage.”
Courage gives us the ability to make choices knowing that mistakes are possible and making them anyway. Our choices further our quest to live life without being afraid. This requires knowledge of the self, being self-centered in a way that has nothing to do with being selfish but has a lot to do with authenticity.
May talks about courage as well. “Courage is not a personal virtue or value among other personal values like love or fidelity,” he says. “It is the foundation that underlies and gives reality to all other virtues and personal values. He also points out that courage comes from the same stem as the French word Coeur, meaning heart.
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF
My name is Courage
I live in the place of the heart
My door is always open to friends
And strangers alike—welcoming all
I can be very helpful when danger or fear develop
But like it most when I can just hang out
My favorite color is white, which allows me to be quite visible
But not alarming
What is puzzling is that people seem to forget about me living in their hearts
They behave as if they don’t know I exist
Or, worse yet, they know I am there and are afraid to make friends with me
Sometimes I feel crowded in my residence
Because the owner of the heart sublets to fear
And fear thinks it owns the owner
But I am honest, confident and valiant
And the main thing, the main thing is…
I am not afraid
*
“Senior Moment” writers Eleanor Jaffe (left) and Liz David (right)
My passion is to help others to gain deeper understanding of themselves and the changes, losses, gains, and glories of aging. So, “grow old along with me–the best is yet to be.”
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